Stories from the Dark

When the wheel turns to dark, is one of my favorite times of year. All the more so because it seems to be when my creative juices return to what they were when I was younger and not much present in the reality of the world.

Waking from a particularly vivid dream the night before, I went to write it down and this is what came out. Maybe it's a fairy tale long lost, a legend from another time, or maybe it was just a flight of fancy in my dreams, none the less as times grow dark it's a time to share such tales.

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No m’lady you should not wish for a love like theirs, pray the Gods don’t hear you. It’s not a tale of love overpowering duty, or a man questing for the maiden's heart. Theirs is a tale of blood, of sacrifice, hope lost, and hard won. For he was the Sacrificial King. The brother chosen to kill and be killed, to return this land to it’s former glory and redeem himself from his old ways. A doomed man from the start, he knew better than to hope for a life and a future. But the heart rarely listens to such stout logic when it meets its match.

She had her own part to play in the coupe that won it all. She out of all of her strange companions stood forward to be the bait and lure the Beast-that-was to his death. It had to be one of them you see, those strange beings from another place. Because no one here could touch the trinket that kept the Beast alive, that kept him immortal.

And so when the time came the Sacrificial King sat unknowing that his beloved was the one hiding in the dark waiting for the nightmare to come and chase her. Not knowing until that moment when she came barreling past, the furies of hell at her heels and planted a kiss on him that she loved most dear.

“Come back to me.” She said, though she had no right to say it. It was meant to be his fate to die that day, but she dared their Gods and Destiny itself to deny that spark that was lit between them. As quickly as she appeared she was gone, her own mission yet uncompleted. For she had a journey ahead of her to destroy that which could not be destroyed and prayed to return to a free land, and a living man.

And when she did return, her heart in her throat, beating with worry, beating against the odds that he had come out victorious, that he had come out alive. All around were smiles, and rejoyousing. He had been victorious at least, with a raging heart and fury of love of land and the love that may not be, he had torn the Beast limb from limb. Ensuring his place in the Halls of Heroes and legend. But no one would stop to tell her whether he lived to hear it or not. As she came in nearer she saw him, lying on a hero’s pyre. She could little understand how there could be such jubilation in the wake of the death of such a man, and as the tears fell pitilessly on his body and her heart began to break and tear at her soul, a heavy and calloused hand clasped her shoulder.

“Now, now pretty little one, you’ll ruin my best tunic.”

Startled she jerked back to see the man on the pyre not dead but wounded, and grinning like the rouge scoundrel that he was, please as punch to see he had such an affect on her. And as the tears still rolled down her cheeks, she beat at his chest in frustration and relief, throwing loving insults before the emotions of it all took what little strength she had left and she collapsed in his arms.

Confusion wrought across his face, for this was no fond embrace, she was limp and beyond the reach of his words. As he shifted her weight, his hands came away from her waist moistened, wet with blood.

She had not escaped her part in the final battle unharmed. For as she stole the trinket and ran from the Beast-that-was, it had manage to claw at her side in an attempt to regain his immortality. But the clean crisp wound merely a finger width deep had turned ragged and rancid tearing deeper in her side on her wild run to destroy the foul talisman. She had not stopped a moment since she crossed the Gods and begged him to return to her. She ran both night and day, with little thought in her mind but to destroy the item and return to see him. Though the mission did call for such haste, the toll was great on her poor mortal body.

And so the roles reversed, it was he that knelt weeping at her bedside, as the fever and infection wreck havoc through her body. He cursed to the Gods that he had killed that Beast mercifully, and now wished for the chance to exact vengeance for the pain he cause such a marvel of a woman.

As her life hung in the balance, the Brother Kings wondered silently. Was this was the will of the Gods? For their Brother had lived through his task, a feat that no one could have foretold, and now the brave foreign lass lie at Death’s door...in his stead? It seemed too cruel even for them, for never was man more torn apart with grief. And as the worst drew near, and everyone held their breath for Death’s quick hand. The impossible happened.

She lived. Weakly she awoke, and turned his grief to joy.

But it was not yet over for them. Fragile and weak as she was, he did not trust himself not to break her with his passions and so kept himself away. Doubt began to grow where words were never spoken, and in the company of her countrymen she felt herself being pulled away.

They wished to return to their native land, and sought to convince her to do so as well. True she was healing, but surely she would heal better there. They missed their home, they felt astranged in this strange land and wanted to feel the comfort of their old lives once more. But it was she that held them together here, she who had lead them through the darkness, had kept them alive, and the journey home seemed perilous without her.

For herself there was nothing left in their native lands. Never had she felt more alive than here, never had she felt more at home. Always she had yearned for something more. Yet could she stay if he did not love her? Would the adventure and the land be enough for her to call home, without someone to share it with?

As the companions parting day grew near, her decisions was still yet to be made. At length he did come to her, unable to keep himself away when the whispers reached him that she might go.

The conversation was not easy, emotions too great choked at the words they would say. Was it the wind or his voice that had at lasted whispered the words?

“I came back for you.”

Finally they locked eyes, the force of which was enough to break into a thousand pieces the silence and doubt that had grown over the months. It was not a feeling she was use to, the vulnerability of love, though the tremble in her voice was an enemy to her, she could not help but ask without asking.

“I had thought that you had changed your mind…that my weakness made you think better of it—“

She was silenced without a word, two crushing lips and possessive arms that strength of will could no longer keep in check.

“You make me envious of her Martha. To be loved by such a man.”

“Nay, madame’ The love of such a man would overwhelm you, till you would shrink at the sight of it. No, it was the way of things that any other woman would have been frightened by the passions in such a kiss, in such a man. For they were fierce and relentless, and knew little of gentility. But where other women would have shrieked out of pain, she strange creature that she was smiled. Smiled and matched him, passion for passion. Smiled in the knowledge that even in her weakest state, she could be the undoing of him.”

Take a Breath

Well it certainly has been a long time since I posted. Many many things have happened. Far too many to begin documenting here in detail. Suffice to say the wheel has turned many times, CAYA Harvest Home went off splendidly. Exhaustingly wonderful in all it's detail.

I have many Blog post in the work, including the Physical Warrior, the conclusion of Persephone's story, and one on the Power of Vocals in Warding. These however will have to wait for the moment.

Now I find myself once again at the time of year when the veil begins to thin, and my world is once again turned on its head. Prehaps it comes with the territory of being a daughter of the Morrighan and Dadga, but whatever the reason whenever October rolls around, my life is on the fast track to transitions, and endings. This October brings a move once again, and the end of my family home, and the beginning of my immediate family moving across the country for the first time without me.

Needless to say it's all a little overwhelming. It has been observed that I have never before been without structure in my life as it is now. I have moved many times, to many places, in shorter times than this one, but always before with a destination. Always before with orders as to where I will land. It is the...uncertainty that causes my insides to cringe and my stress level to rise.

So. Today I endeavored to get some control over my raging emotions and stress, and wash them all away. A spell I will share with you fine folks today.


Materials

• Bathtub cleaning products and instruments
  
• Candles
  
• Calming colored muslin square (approx. 5"x5")
• Ribbon in your power color (approx. 8")
  
• 2 tbs salt (sea)
  
• 1 tbs dried peppermint leaves
• 1 tbs dried rose petals
  
• 1 tbs sandalwood chips
  
• A Beer (of your choice)
• Your favorite Soap

To start with, set up the bathroom to your pleasure. Light as many candles are you'd like (or is safe), set up an altar, put on your favorite spell music, bring in fresh flowers. Whatever it takes to set the mood for calm and peace.

Then place all the herbs and salt into the muslin square, and tie it up. Take a moment to ground and center yourself. Imagine the calm, the peace, how you'd like to feel, how you'd like things to go. Put all that into that little sachet.

Now, clean your tub. - Wait, here me out! You are going to feel better, sincerely, this is not trickery just to get the ring around the tub out. It just happens to be a nice side effect - Scrub your tub, and as you scrub visualize and vocalize everything you want scrubbed out of your life, your mind, your body. Get as loud, as angry, as you like, let it all out on the tub and that grim!

I Scrub OUT self-doubt, anxiety, stress!
I Scrub OUT lack of funds, closed doors!
I Scrub out the obstacles that stand in my way!

Let the tub have it, for as long as you need. Till every bit of grim, every bit of negativity is scrubbed out. Till none can cling to anything any longer.

Then rinse it all away.

I rinse away my stress, and melancholy
I rinse away those obstacles that keep me from Happiness
From Prosperity
From Success
May my ancestors and Gods (name whomever you fill appropriate) bear witness
I rinse them all away

If the tub is still not clean, have at it again. You want that tub to sparkle.

Now that the work is done, now that you've rubbed out all that frustration and stress, draw yourself a bath. A good hot one, throw your sachet into it, add bubble bath if you'd like.

Crawl in and breath deep. Feel your muscles unwind. The stress seeps out of you. Think of all the good things in your life, be grateful. Think of all you hope and dream for, know that you can achieve them, it will take work as it took work to clean this tub. All is possible.

Take a nap, clean your nails, pumice your heels, daydream. Stay in there as long as you need. And when you fill ready, take your favorite soap and start to clean. Make sure you get good a squeaky clean. See all that grime and dirt, that stress and negativity bubble up and wash away. Make sure to shampoo and condition your hair!

Now here is the fun part.

Pop open that Beer, take a swig for the bath and the Gods, and a swig for yourself.

Now pour the rest on your head.

I know sounds crazy, my partner would squawk "And waster a beer!" But here me out.

One, beer is a symbol of wealth, prosperity, and magic. It is alchemy at it's finest, taking raw materials and over time with process, becomes something entirely new. It evokes images of feasts, and good times. It is the relaxing moment after a long days work, and culmination of the years growing and harvesting in one cool sip. You are bathing yourself in magic and wealth.

Plus it's actually very good for your hair. Gives body, and helps clean away residue.

Go slow, let each foamy drop pour over your head, soak it up into your hair. Lick your lips, smile.

I am surround by love, prosperity, and success
As my hair never ceases to grow throughout my lifetime,
Let my chances and opportunities for wealth, happiness, and peace
Continue to grow around me.
I soak it up into my body, into my soul.
I am capable of achiveing all that I wish to achieve.
(State what you will achieve)
I am bathed in the bounty of the Earth
By the Land
By the Sea
and by the Sky
So mote it be!

Now rinse off, drain the tub. Watch as all your that muck you were carrying on your shoulders, all that grim you cleaned off you spiral down the drain and back to the Earth to be cleansed and made anew. Rinse out your tub, you want none of that grime and negativity sticking around!

Take a deep breath and go about your day! (Take note of extra volume, and shine in your hair ;)

That's my stress relieving spell for the day. Hope it works for you, it helps to have a nice meal too.

She came into my life as a Queen would, announced herself, gave me a quest, and danced in my dreams for weeks on end. And in our time together I strived to live up to her grace, beauty, understanding, and strength. I pray I did you justice Goddess.

And in her honor I give you, her story, as it came to me.

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In a time before civilization, when man was young and all nature spoke and worshiped the Gods. There were no seasons, the earth and man knew only the warm beauty of summer and were indebted to the caring nurturing hands of the beautiful Demeter. At her hands did man know feast or famine. For she was the land and the growth of every harvest. And while every bud and sprout and fruit laden branch brought her pleasure she had but one true joy.

Her daughter Kore.

As bright and beautiful as a sun beam with all the grace and majesty of the wind blow willow. She was a child of the earth and sky. The perfumed laced zephyrs would chase her heels for a chance to brush petaled lips of youth perfected. In her mother's doting eye she was a child untouched. A maid protected from all sorrows and strife. Hey days were spent in sun soaked meadows, dancing with ladybugs and sleeped the innocent slumber under the watchful eye of the moon. The Demeter, great Goddess of the Harvest wished to shield her flowering maiden from all the darkness of the world, the girl-child's beauty could not go unnoticed forever.

On a day much like any other, Kore went in search of fun and laughter, frolicking through meadows with the bouncing cockleshells. In her lyrical wanderings she happened upon a sight she's never seen before. A vast valley, blanketed with the most glorious poppies, bright and brilliant scarlet rippling in the wind. The begged to be danced with, they cried to be coddled, they sung her an ode to make her smile. She obliged them most willingly. The pretty petaled visage that was made was enough to break the heart of any mortal who perchance to view it.

But it was not a mortal who happened on this scene of light and laughter, but the somber God who resides not on Mt. Olympus but deep within the dark of the earth. Hades himself was stunned into stillness by the dancing delight of nubile youth and joy that he would never find in his own kingdom.

Call it chance if you must, the wiser would say Fate, and the more daring yet would see the balancing hand of Chaos. Across that wide divide of blood red flora did the wide expressive eyes of Life collided with pale piercing Death. In the breath of an instant a spark was formed, what else could transpire Life and Death meet? At that exact moment, did Eros line in his sights and let loose the most potent of love's venom. The arrow struck it's mark true, and the spark that barely began to glimmer, ignited into an inferno unstoppable.

There was a deafening roar as the earth cracked wide and the black abyss of below was released, in a tempest of smoke and smoldering heat of ash and thundering hoof was Kore dragged below. Before the earth could seal the chasm a terrified scream, her first, was ripped from her lips. So tremendous was this shriek that all of nature took up it's echo. As the valley mended itself leaving no trace of the upset that had just occurred, save a valley of fallen petals.

Demeter heard the cry but a moment too late, and took flight from where she was in frantic search of her beloved daughter. Round and round the world she searched, under every rock, in every corner of the vast expanse of this earth. But not a trace could be found of the glowing child of earth and sky, not a single strand of glimmering hair, nor faintest echo of her voice.

Grief stricken and foot sore, the great goddess implored the eye of the sky Helios, to tell her what no one else could, where was her daughter? It was with a heavy heart that he told the tale of what had transpired in that valley of hearts blood, and why no matter how hard Demeter searched, no matter how much energy she expelled she would not find the dancing girl-child of spring, for she was below, deep in the earth where Demeter could not go.

Demeter's heart broke, and as the pieces tore into her soul, the earth froze. For it would mourn with her, and know no joy, no warmth, for as long as she did not.

To be continued...

Tra la its May!

Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev'ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It's here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!

I just had to make a quick post, to wish everyone a delightful and decadent Beltane. This is the start of my favorite (and busiest) month of the year.

I woke up this morning to a wonderfully clean house, a crisp morning where the clouds are that wonderful shade of grey that saturates all the colors and makes them sing with vibrancy. Sat out on my porch with a cup of tea and just breathed in the air, and then to sweeten the deal it started to rain. I think it was one of the most magical mornings that could have occurred. I went out and fondled my flowers in the rain, and just relaxed. Which was nice considering, that I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off for the past couple of weeks.

And in actuality today will be no different lol. My to do list is still lengthy. I still have to finish the Beltane outfit and mask for Saturday and the matches. And tonight is Amazon Beltane in which I have to tell a story with someone else and I woefully was a very bad colaborator and did not get in touch with them early enough, hopefully my Amazon sister will be able to forgive me. I have faith that we can pull off some awesome May magic tonight and am not too worried, I just don't want her to be fretting either.

On more excited news front, CAYA's newest family member is on the brink of being born! Ladybug went into labor early yesterday morning and should be delivering Raspberry sometime early this afternoon. It's been a long and nerve wrecking experince for all of us waiting for updates. I can only imaigne what poor Bug must be feeling, luckily she opted for the epidural so not so much pain anymore. But still it can't be easy and my heart and love and energy goes out to her as does the whole communities.

It truly is a blessed Beltane, with the birth of this wonderful boy to such loving and amazing parents.

Well I suppose I should get to my work. As there is work to be done and not much time to do it in. May everyone find love, light, laughter, and dreams this Beltane and all of the lusty month of May.

Whence this fragrance wafting through the air?
What sweet feelings does its scent transmute?
Whence this perfume floating ev'rywhere?
Don't you know it's that dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la! That dear forbidden fruit!
Tra la la la la!

Who is that person in the mirror??

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered "Who the hell is that?", or look at a photo of yourself and just not recognize it?

Happens to me all the time. Seriously, all the time. I can't recall an instance where I have looked at an image of myself and haven't thought "That's not me."

Now this is not a call out for compliments or anything of the like. I'm not saying that I think I'm an ugly woman, ok? It's just the me I see in photos and what not, yeah I look NOTHING like that in my head. It's just not the same, and the truly sad part is there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

It's not something I can change with a diet and excersize, it's not something that new make up will make better. Nope it's just a reality I suppose I need to deal with. Because even plastic surgery wouldn't be able to help me, my face is just a completely different structure in my head.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy. I'm not a 6 ft blonder haired blue eyed girl in my head. I know my eye color, I know my hair color and what not, it's small things. In photos and mirrors my eyes look squinty and small. Not in my head. In reality my nose is slightly bigger in my head, my chin more demure, my hair flater. All these little things add up to a bigger picture that just doesn't fit...doesn't look as lively as I feel/think. Does that make any sense at all?

I can't explain when this started or why this is, perhaps a childhood of excessive imaginative stimulus in order to entertain myself created this break in reality of my self image.

I guess i shouldn't let it bother me as you know there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. But I dunno it just makes me...sad. I also see why I get frequent remarks that I look tired or sad, it always confuses me, but the reality of the matter is, that's what I look like.

I don't know it's a strange world.

Enough of this, no use crying over spilled milk. I was just wondering if I was the only one.

Obligatory Cranky Hot Post

Yes I do have a nice big lovely art and story post in my draft box, that needs a few tweeks still to hand over to the blogosphere as sacrament.

But in the mean time there are just a few things I would like to say.

1) Heat in a house with no Air conditioning and little insulation, suckith.
2) Living with a roommate and thus unable to fling wide the bedroom door allowing air in at night to cool your hide, due to being indecent, also suckith.
3) Having to tell your neighbors to not use your hose to frolick and fill up their kiddie pool, uhh because THEIR NOT PAYING FOR IT! Is just effed up.

That is All.

A year a day and some change

Whew!!! By the Gods, I cannot believe it but I have all the memories for it really must be so. I have officially completed my year and a day training, made it out alive, and am a CAYA Priestess. Who knew?!

I was still floating on cloud nine from all the activities and hot tubing and general magical merriment that started last Thursday and didn't end till Saturday. But alas yesterday's dentist appointment had a way to knock my back down into the mundane. Something about throbbing pain and trying to sleep will do that to you.

I am however happy to report I awoke this morning bright eyed and pain-less though slightly weird feeling in the mouth, but I can deal because I don't have big gaping holes in my canine anymore!! They look like normal teeth! A little stained, a little overlapping, certaintly not perfect but not eroding holes of doom. I am SOOOO happy.

I only wish I could have had it done prior to the Retreat and Ordination then I would have been able to smile more without having to worry, but oh well.

The Retreat was AMAZING. And much of it secret so you won't get a peep out of me in that regard. But the general overall time was fan-freakin-tastic, it was so nice to be all together, and eat all together, it really was an Oasis. I spent the most amount of time in that Hot Tub than in any water ever in my life lol. So many good conversations had with so many of my brethren, I really do feel we are closer than ever now. I don't know what the future brings but it can only get better.

And then the public Ordination. Holy mother of pearl was that just breathtaking. I have to say when I was getting read I was a little freaked out due to my whites somehow mischievously getting red one them, but I was able to wash it out and it dried in time that I don't think anyone noticed.

It was the first ritual in a long time that I went to and literally had no hand in the planning. And it went off so well, all the new Initiates are superstars already. Hearing new voices and feeling new energy was just so damn exciting.

Stepping up to proclaim ourselves to the greater coven was a heady experience. The words sounded so right and the room seemed to buzz with energy as everyone took their place as priest and priestess.

Our little siblings truly out did themselves with their secret part of the ritual. There was coordination and blessings of poetic power, and jars of goodies! One of the highlights of my night was looking into my jar and seeing a Companion Cube and knowing exactly who it was from. (If you don't know what a companion cube is don't fret about it all you need to know is it is awesome)

And now it's all over. But the work isn't lol. Nope even though the training is over that drawing board is still full. Many a good thing is on the horizon, Warrior group, Harvest Home, Beltane, Amazon Training (I know what was I thinking?! lol). And even a new idea that has implanted itself in my brain on Sunday and grown at extreme rates.

So until next time to greater and better things,

Branwen, daughter of The Dadga and Morrigan
Priestess of Bardic Warrior Wisdoms